Wish I was here

Laying by the pool, mojito in hand... aahhhh.. it was fantastic.

My trip to Mexico was awesome. It was beautiful, relaxing, fun, and food-filled... it was just what I had hoped it would be. We got the gorgeous weather that I had so desperately wanted; and I got the tan that I so desperately needed.
The wedding was so special. There was not a dry eye on the beach (that includes the strangers that stopped to watch the ceremony... THAT includes the man in the aqua-blue Speedo). It was lovely, it was emotional, it was full of love, and it was an honour to be apart of.

That's all I have to share for now because looking at this picture while it pours rain outside.. it's making me depressed.

Update

Phew.. I haven't been here for a while. Here's what's going on with me:
I'm working on getting my anxiety under control. I've started going to see a counsellor. She's helping me deal with the underlying issues that are manifesting themselves as anxiety. I'm 2 sessions in and I think it's going great.
I've also started going to meditation classes. These have been amazing!
I'm on the path to finding balance in my life and I'm excited about the journey.

I'm heading to Mexico next week.
My sister and mom are coming with me to the Mayan Riviera for my friend's wedding. I'm really looking forward to taking some time to do nothing. I have every intention of sitting in the sun, with a good book and an umbrella drink, for a week and not worrying about anything except rotating often enough to get an even tan.

I hope to write another post before Mexico but if I don't:  Hasta luego mis amigas!

Little Creature

A friend of mine is pregnant. She's due in December so.. it's safe to say that she's very pregnant. For a while, her and her husband have known the sex of their baby but did not share the information. As a result, I affectionately referred to her unborn child as "Creature" (I promise.. it's with affection!!).

Today, I found out that Creature is a girl.

This thought, that in a few months my friend is going to have a beautiful little baby swaddled in pink, this thought has brought tears to my eyes several times today. 

I hope that this friend knows that even though we don't see each other very often or don't talk to each other on the phone every day, I think of her often. I send her loving, happy, peaceful thoughts.

I think that she is going to make a wonderful mother to her baby girl. And I can't wait to meet Creature, she is one lucky little girl.

I do love me some comedy!

Picture from the River Rock Casino website

I'm going to see Kathy Griffin at the River Rock Casino tonight with my sister. Woohoo!!

I didn't know that she was coming to town until I happened to see her Tweet (yet another reason that Twitter is awesome) about her weekend schedule.
So, a frantic, at work, online purchase was made and my weekend plans were born. I love the last minute plans, don't you? They often turn out to be the most fun!

Have a great weekend!

It looks like I was right!

I joke about having "issues" all the time.. hell, it's right there in the title of my blog! But apparently, I was right.

I've been feeling a little "off" lately. The best way to describe what I was feeling is to say that I had the worst case of nervous I've ever felt. You know: the butterflies in the stomach/ knot in your chest kind of nervous. I also felt really overwhelmed by things that normally would not overwhelm me. Opening my work email to find 10 unread emails, not unusual; feeling really overwhelmed by these 10 unread emails, that was unusual.

After one particularly bad "episode" - I won't go into details but it involves an irrational reaction to overcooked potatoes, the need to leave the situation immediately, and uncontrollable tears - I decided to go and talk to my doctor and... I do have ISSUES! 
Actually, I have Anxiety. Anxiety brought on by stress to be exact. I am now walking around with 10 little "emergency" pills in my purse and am attempting to "identify the triggers of my anxiety". I'll tell you: knowing that you have 10 "emergency" pills in your purse and you're supposed to be "identifying triggers" makes you a little anxious. (and I don't think that this is the purpose of either the pills or task). But I'm working on figuring out what makes me anxious and how I can either avoid these things or handle them if they are unavoidable.

I originally was not going to blog about this. I thought that it was something private going on in my life that I didn't really want to share. Then I realized that this blog is about my private life. It's about me and what's going on with me.
I also thought that this post will probably help to explain this post.
Another reason I decided to blog about my anxiety is because I think that too many people are embarrassed to talk about anything that involves mental health. Anxiety Disorders, Depression, Postpartum Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, these are all things that are real and that should not be ignored or hidden. My opinion is that while some people may need medication, all people need support. And no one can offer support if they are unaware of what's going on in your life.

I don't know how many people read this blog, but I hope that I can include you in my support system as I work on this, one of my many issues.

One more thing:

Okay, while I'm confessing things, I should probably tell you that this Glee episode is the Britney Spears episode and if there's one thing that I love more than Glee, it's Britney.
Stop laughing!
There is a very real chance that my cousin and I spent a ridiculous amount of money to sit in the second (lower bowl) row at the Britney concert. And there is also a very real chance that I may have lost my shit when Brit came out on the stage.
Stop laughing!
Yes, she may lip-sync BUT, she puts on one hell of a show and she's Britney-fricken-Spears.
Stop laughing!
Ssshhhh... Glee's back on!

Stop. Laughing.

PS: I also love the Spice Girls. That's an entirely different post though so I'm going now.

STOP LAUGHING

I'm Still Here!!

I'm just not.. here.

Nothing particularly interesting happening right now so I haven't really had anything to say.

The most exciting thing that's occurred in the last week would have to be the 4:00am fire alarm this morning.
Lordy! Nothing like a high-pitched squeal to wake you up at 4:00am. And nothing like the Vancouver rain to make the whole evacuate-your-apartment-in-your-pajamas-at-4:00am thing that much more enjoyable.
I guess I can't really complain though, it could have been worse: I could have been one of the poor fire-fighters who had to put on their heavy gear (helmets and all) to rush over to an apartment building that was not on fire.
I could also have been one of the people who had to round up their 2 kids, dog, and cat and haul them out in the rain at 4:00am.
Did I mention that this all happened at 4:00am?
OH! Did I mention the girl that perfectly co-ordinated her entire evacuate-your-apartment-that-might-be-on-fire-at-4:00am outfit?!?! She clearly attempted to make it look like she just threw on the first thing she found; but, she failed! BIG TIME. The jeans.. I could buy, the baseball cap that matched her hoodie sweater that was perfectly matched the colours in her t-shirt.. that I cannot buy. Also, the fact that she looked like she had just applied a fresh layer of lipgloss, kinda gave her away.

So, I've been awake since 4:00am (it's hard to fall asleep after all that excitement and, by 5:30am I decided that to fall asleep would make it impossible to get up at my usual 6:30am, so I just stayed awake) so I will now be crawling in to bed to watch Glee and go straight to sleep.

Yeah, I casually worked it in there: I'm a Glee watcher. Don't judge me!! It's not like I did my make-up and changed 3 times before evacuating my apartment at 4:00am

Funday Family Dinner

Nearly every Sunday we have family dinner, my family: mom, dad, and sister, usually at my aunt's house with her family: Auntie M., Uncle P., cousin J., cousin T. and her husband.
These dinners usually consist of far too much food, far too much liquor, and far too much fun for a Sunday night; hence, the dinner's affectionately being renamed "Funday Family Dinner".

Yesterday, T. and I decided that we were going to give the mom's a break and cook Funday dinner ourselves.
We started the weekend at Costco (only one of my favourite places!) where we proceeded to purchase far too much food. And ended the weekend making a delicious (if I do say so myself) Indian-themed dinner: butter chicken, lamb chops and naan.
I must say that in comparison to my usual dinner-for-one, cooking dinner for 8 people (J. was returning from his trip to Japan), is quite the challenge. But what fun!!

Dinner was great but the real fun in Funday is the time spent with the family. I don't know quite how to describe my family but I know that the words "traditional", "conventional" and "conservative" would not be used.
There are always dirty jokes and/or vulgar comments made - usually by Uncle P. and usually about my parents.. YUCK.
There are always multiple bottles of wine consumed so there is often some singing and/or dancing done.
There is always lots of laughter and joking.
And there is always tons of love in the room.

I really hope that, one day, my kids will be enjoying Family Dinners with us and we will all still be eating far too much, drinking far too much, and having far too much fun for a Sunday night.

Train observations

Today, on the train home, I sat beside a girl who must have called EVERY single person in her phone book during the 21 minutes it took to get from the station downtown to the first stop.
She's clearly one of those people... you know, the people who can't go without talking to or seeing another person for 21 minutes without feeling out of touch with the universe.
I am not one of those. I live by myself.. just the way I like it (trust me, I tried the roommate thing.. it lasted 2.5 months and I was done! But that's a whole different post).. I can go entire weekends without talking to anyone. Not on the phone, not online, not via text, not in person. And, most times, I'm completely fine with that. I like the alone, quiet, in-my-head times. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I feel like I need to communicate with someone! But then I just call home, or by bff, or go grocery shopping and talk to the cashier LOL (it counts!!)

I don't think that I'll ever be one of those people.
I watched this girl and: she'd dial a number.. wait.. hang up.. frantically (and this is the only word I can use to describe the way she was dialing) dial another number.. wait.. talk to someone.. they'd have to go (I could tell by listening to her side of the conversation. YES.. I'm an eavesdropper.. again, different post).. she'd put her phone down on the table.. take a sip of coffee.. pick up her phone.. frantically dial.. wait.. hang up.. frantically dial.. talk.. hang up.. phone down.. sip.. dial... wait... talk.. hang up..
This went on for 31 minutes (10 minutes prior to the train leaving the station and the 21 minute ride). I watched this girl who started looking like a smoker on a 20 hour flight. She looked agitated, itchy, frantic, while dialing and waiting.
I don't think that I'll ever be one of those people. I don't think that anyone should ever be that afraid of being alone with their own thoughts, being alone with the quiet, being out of touch with other people.

Perhaps my being okay with not talking to someone for two days isn't normal, but I don't think that having to talk to someone to stop the itching is normal either. Do you?

Wow.. I'm grumpy!

I don't know why, but I have been incredibly grumpy lately. And the fact that there's really no reason for my grumpiness.. well, that's just making me even grumpier!!
Everything is irritating me! Indecisive people, people using incorrect grammar, people who can't make any kind of commitment or decision without asking my opinon, the fact that the finale of Big Brother 12 felt like it was 7 hours long. EVERYTHING'S. IRRITATING. ME

I have a theory as to why though: It's because I'm so fricken tired! I feel like I haven't slept in days. I haven't been going to bed that late, I haven't been waking up that early.. but I have been waking up every few hours during the night and I can't figure out why.

Okay, so now that I've admitted that I'm grumpy and sleepy (my two favourite dwarfs by the way). I guess I have to try to do something about it. That is the way right? Admit that there's a problem and then fix it.

On that note, I'm going to go and get ready for bed.

PS: is there anyone out there actually reading this crap? If so: thanks! Goodnight! oh and:

Dear Blog..

It occurred to me today, as I was scrolling through my Google Reader and re-reading blogs, that perhaps I should try this blogging thing out for myself.
I figured that since I only recently (just over a year ago) moved out of the parents' house, and can't afford a psychologist, maybe I can put all of my issues into writing and try to figure myself out. Now I should warn you, there are a lot of issues! But I should also tell you that I'm open to advice, thoughts and suggestion :)

I'm really just a normal girl trying to find myself, my purpose, my place, my meaning. I have a good job, a great apartment, wonderful friends and the most amazing family that I could possibly ask for. I joke about having issues but really, that's all that my issues are: trivial, superficial, "mostly joking" issues. 
So, if you're looking for a light-hearted, sarcastic and sometimes cynical look at life through the eyes of a 25 year old-South African born-Chinese-Canadian, then stick around. Join me on my journey. Grab some Gravol, we may experience some turbulence while in transit.